“A BATTLE FOR MY SOUL”

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

I came to the Philippines from Nepal with a heart full of hope and faith, ready to serve. After completing our training, my mission partner and I were assigned to the beautiful island of Samal. The place was like a paradise—abundant with fruits, vibrant flowers, and trees that danced in the sea breeze, surrounded by peaceful shores and gentle waves. Our mission began with joy, peace, and anticipation.

But about a month in, something shifted.

I began to feel a heavy presence, like a dark spirit was trying to weigh down my soul. As a foreigner, I was already trying hard to adjust to a new culture, language, and way of life. The challenges were real—but Satan saw this as an opportunity to attack. He whispered lies into my mind, sowing anger, confusion, and fear. Simple questions from people—like asking where I was from—suddenly felt like attacks. I became defensive, angry, and easily offended. My mission partner and I also started having conflicts. We couldn’t understand or support each other. The love we were meant to show began to fade, and I knew deep inside—this wasn’t from God. It was the enemy.

I realized Satan was trying to destroy not only our mission, but our very souls.

Worse, I began questioning God. I heard dark thoughts whispering, “There is no hope. There is no God. Give up.” I felt lost. But deep inside, I cried, “Jesus, help me!” I asked our church elder why this was happening, and he encouraged me to fast and pray. I did—and slowly, God’s peace returned. In prayer, I heard Him speak to my heart: “Daughter, your life is precious. You are precious to Me.”

I realized Jesus had been with me all along, fighting for me. Even when I doubted, He never let go. His love rescued me from the enemy’s lies. I wept, knowing how deeply He loves us—that He gave His Son to die in our place.

I also realized that God didn’t just send me to serve others—He was transforming me. Through the struggle, He taught me to surrender, trust, and grow. He reminded me that our mission is not just about results, but about becoming more like Jesus.

Now I live with hope, knowing I am chosen for His purpose. And one day, I long to be with Him in heaven—forever.

Name: Sushma Thapa Magar | 1000MM 63rd Batch 

Hometown: Nepal, Kathmandu  

Mission field: Samal Island