Five Months to Be Enough

“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” — 2 Corinthians 3:5, NKJV

When I first began this missionary journey, I knew there would be challenges. But I never expected that some of the hardest battles would begin with something as ordinary as communication. The language barrier has been one of my greatest struggles.

There are moments when I know what I want to say, yet I cannot find the right words to express it. Sometimes people do not understand me, and I do not understand them either. What seems like a simple conversation can suddenly become frustrating, and I am left wondering how much easier things would be if I could simply communicate better.

That difficulty has also affected my relationship with my partner. There have been moments when misunderstandings arise—not because we do not care about each other, but because we fail to communicate what we truly mean. Small things can become arguments, and afterward, I find myself wishing I had explained myself differently. Then there is the reality that I cannot speak Bisaya.

While everyone around me can naturally communicate, laugh, and connect in a language I do not understand, I sometimes feel like an outsider. I may smile and remain present, but deep inside, I feel as though I am standing outside a circle that I desperately want to belong to. That sense of isolation has been one of the hardest parts of this journey. Because of these struggles, even approaching people can become difficult. I hesitate. I think about what I should say, how I should say it, and whether I will be understood.

And when the conversation is over, the real battle often begins. I replay everything in my mind. Should I have said something differently? Should I have done more? Could I have connected with that person better? What if I had been more confident? The more I think about these moments, the more anxious I become. I begin questioning not only what I said, but whether I am actually doing enough.

Then, almost without realizing it, I begin comparing myself with others. Little by little, the struggles outside of me become struggles within me. I begin to question whether I am capable enough, prepared enough, or even good enough to be a missionary. And now, with only five months left in my missionary journey, those thoughts can feel even heavier.

Five months may sound like a long time, but when I think about everything I still want to accomplish, it suddenly feels painfully short. Have I done enough? Will I have enough time to connect with people? Will I ever become the missionary I thought I was supposed to be? There are moments when these questions overwhelm me.

But somewhere in the middle of all this uncertainty, God is teaching me something I had forgotten: I was never called to be the Savior. God chose me with my limitations, my weaknesses, my questions, and my imperfections. And somehow, that is enough for Him to begin. Five months from now, I may not have the testimony I imagined I would have. I may not be able to point everything I accomplished. But I know when I look back i can say: I learned to depend on God through every circumstances.

I learned to love more like Him. Most of all, I learned that my weakness was never an obstacle to His power. They are about learning to trust the One who called me here—to obey even when I am uncertain, to take one more step even when I am afraid, and to say, “God, I do not know what I am doing, but I am still here.”

I am still learning. Still struggling. Still being changed. And perhaps that is the testimony itself. I was never meant to be enough. I was simply meant to place what I have in His hands—and let Him be enough.

Name: Choi Yeyoon/66th Batch

Mission Field: Calamba, Misamis Occidental